


Enough

by Chloepioneer



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Abusive Relationship, Depression, F/M, M/M, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, but also sadness, tyler has a cute kid called Nogah, unhealthy relationship, which means brightness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-04-12 11:46:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4478111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chloepioneer/pseuds/Chloepioneer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Tyler is a struggling single parent to five year old Nogah</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Nogah

**Author's Note:**

> Parts of this story in the future may be triggering so please read with caution!!

Tyler lived for his son.

He was everything Tyler loved and thought pure in the world wrapped into a tiny, excitable ball of his own flesh and blood.

They’d been doing well, despite all odds. Tyler remembered to pack Nogah’s lunch just the way he liked it ( _no crusts, daddy, they’re horrible! And triangles, daddy, they’re fun!_ ) each morning and he remembered to read his favourite books, making sure _every_ character had a different voice.

But it was one particularly gloomy Saturday morning, with the rain pelting against the kitchen window, that shook Tyler from his streak of good luck. He sat at the table, furiously scribbling new and improved lyrics into the notebook he kept hidden in his bedside drawer.

Nogah sat opposite, mindlessly colouring and humming along to the radio in-between taking bites of his pancake stack.

“Daddy?”

“Yeah?”

“Why don’t we see Mommy anymore?”

Tyler’s hand froze mid sentence, the ink swelling into the page as the life bled from his body. Nogah hadn’t noticed, still humming and waiting for an answer. He’d asked innocently enough but that didn’t stop Tyler from wanting to scream, cry, rip his hair out.

_Because she didn’t want us. Because she made my life hell. Because she ruined me. Because she ruined us. Because-_

“Daddy? Did I do a wrong?” Nogah whispered, honey eyes glistening with the fear of upsetting his father.

Tyler coughed and rested his trembling hands against the table.

“No, Nogah. You didn’t do a wrong. Daddy was just being silly. Mommy loves you a lot, okay? She just works too much,” he sighed, standing to clear away the plates. He padded into the kitchen and instantly dialled his mother.

“Hello?”

“Mom.”

“Hi honey, everything alright?”

“N-no, I think, I think maybe you should come take Nogah for the day. Is-is that okay?” he whimpered, clutching the kitchen sink tight in an attempt to steady his hands.

“Oh, Ty. Are you having a hard time?”

“I just think you should take him somewhere, okay? Maybe the park, he loves the park. I’ll give you some money for his lunch, yeah? Or maybe take him to the museum, that’s cheap and-and he loves lookin’ at all the dinosaur fossils and stuff and then maybe-“

“Tyler! It’s okay. Everything’s fine. We’ll be over in a half hour.”

“Thanks, Mom,” he whispered, closing his eyes and ending the call.

He felt a tug at the bottom of his jeans. Nogah stood staring up at him with an open mouth. “Am I gonna see Grammy and Grandpa today?”

“Yeah, buddy. Let’s go pack a bag.”

As promised, his parents arrived thirty minutes later, his father instantly entertaining Nogah whilst his mother ushered him into the living room. She immediately spotted the trembling in his hands and closed her own around them. “What happened, baby? I thought you were doing okay?” her voice was thick with worry and it curled around Tyler’s throat like a noose.

“We were. We are! It’s just, God, it’s stupid. He asked about his Mom and I just wasn’t expecting it. She-she shouldn’t even be in his life,” he spat. “And all Nogah wants to know is why she isn’t around that much. Shit, am I doing that bad of a job? Does he hate me?”

“Now, come on! You know he loves you, Tyler. You’re the best father that boy could ask for. He has a roof over his head, enough toys to fill the house, food in the fridge and most importantly, love and support from the person he means the most to. Okay? We’ll bring him back in a few hours. I love you, Tyler. Be safe,” she begged, kissing him on the cheek.

They soon left, Nogah pressing himself against the window of the car to wave as they drove away. Tyler hated days like these. When the air seemed a little colder, nipping his skin and making him shake. When the darkness seemed inevitable, waiting and watching from the corners of the room, crawling along the cracks as he ran and hid. The house was eerily quiet as he perched on the sofa. Nogah was soon to be turning six and hadn’t had a visit from his mother since his fifth birthday. Sure, there were phone calls and text messages but they meant nothing to Nogah. Tyler remembered when things were harder. When she first left and he’d picked Nogah up from school. He was howling, crying with no intentions to stop. The other children had bullied his name, laughing whenever the teacher called him to the front. He’d cried and cried for Mommy but all he had was Daddy.

Tyler wasn’t enough for Nogah. He knew that. He was never enough.

He wasn’t enough for his high school basketball team. He wasn’t enough for his parents. He wasn’t enough for his brothers, his friends, his _wife._

"Snap out of it,” he growled to himself, slapping his cheek. “Stop crying.”

_‘Tyler, I’m pregnant.’_

“Stop it.”

_‘Tyler? Did you hear me?’_

“Shut up.”

_‘What the fuck, Tyler? I’m pregnant!’_

“Go away!”

_‘This is your fault, Tyler. Look at the shit you’ve got us in!’_

“No! No, this wasn’t my fault!” he screamed, curling in on himself.

Tyler hated days like this.

On days like this, Tyler hated living for his son.


	2. Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler is slowly slipping but what is best for Nogah?

Tyler sat with a cigarette hanging loosely from his lips. The smoke curled into the air, lost in the whirlwind from the bathroom fan. He was slumped against the bath tub, a tidal wave of photographs surrounding him, caging him like a frightened animal. He leant over to the toilet and flicked away the ash.

He fingered through the pictures, neglecting the tears that fell down his sunken cheeks. He thought he was over this. He _had_ been over this. If only Nogah, sweet, perfect little Nogah, hadn’t asked.

“Tyler?”

His mother had returned along with his pride and joy but he made no attempt to stand and greet them. She turned her nose at the smell of smoke and followed it to the bathroom.

“Tyler? Are you okay, pumpkin?”

He looked terrifying, like a decaying statue of a dying man. His hair was tugged out of place, his eyes swam with the regret of his past mistakes and his sixth cigarette of the night still remained limp between his fingers.

“I don’t know.”

“You have to let her go, Tyler. She doesn’t deserve to have you like this, do you understand that?” she whispered, bending down the best she could.

Tyler scoffed and threw the cigarette bud into the toilet.

“Yeah, Mom. Great. I’ll just flip the switch to my emotions and completely remove any memory of the fucked up relationship we had. How about that?!”

“Daddy?” Nogah was peering around the doorway, shaking in fright at his father’s voice. Tyler’s dad soon appeared, out of breath as though he’d been chasing the younger boy.

“Hey, buddy,” he sniffed, not meeting his son’s eyes.

“I think Nogah should stay with us tonight,” his mother whispered, placing a caring hand on Tyler’s arm.

“Don’t be ridiculous! You’re not taking my son away from me!” he laughed frantically, making way to grab Nogah.

The boy whimpered and hid behind his Grandpa’s thigh.

“Nogah, come here! Didn’t you miss your Daddy today?”

The silence that greeted him completely shattered his heart.

“Your Mom’s right, Tyler. He can’t be around you when you’re like this.”

“Why the _fuck_ is everything _my_ fault? Jesus, are you both so useless that you can’t even understand that it’s acceptable to have a shitty day? Hmm?! I was _fine_ , Mom. We were fine! We had a fucking routine and then, then she still manages to ruin everything!” Tyler was hysterical by now, crying and gesturing wildly, desperately attempting to make his point.

“You’re scaring your son!” his father snapped. Tyler watched as Nogah ran to his mother, allowing her to scoop him into her arms before burying his face in her jumper.

“You’re not taking him!”

Tyler surged forward again but his mother fled from the bathroom. His father pushed him backwards against the wall, struggling to hold him down.

“He’s _my_ son! You can’t just take him away from me! He’s all I have!”

“Stop it! Listen to yourself, Tyler! If he’s all you have then why can’t you see he’s not safe here tonight? It’s just for a night, son. Just for tonight. Okay? Calm down,” his father coached.

Tyler let his head fall against the tiles.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry! I’m scared I’ll lose him. I can’t do this on my own, I’m sorry!” the broken man cried.

“Hey, look at me. You’re my son, okay? You’re not doing this on your own. It’s just for tonight, alright?”

Tyler latched himself around his father, letting himself feel loved. The elder screwed his eyes tight, feeling an ominous similarity to the countless times he’d held him in the past. Flashbacks of when Tyler was in high school, struggling after his first suicide attempt. The first night he’d called them after she’d hurt him. He couldn’t watch his son go through this again.

\-------

“Josh, we’re home!”

The couple he’d been babysitting for walked into the living room, stopping dead at the sight before them. Josh peeked up with a shy smile.

“Oh, you’re early! Ugh, sorry this is a little embarrassing!” Josh was sat cross legged on the carpet, with a bouncing six year old in front of him. He had glittery eye shadow covering the best part of his upper face and bright red lipstick across his mouth. A tiara was placed lopsided in his flaming red hair and a tutu choked his waist.

“We were having tea,” he shrugged, gesturing to the mess in front of them.

“Megan, what have we told you about treating Josh like a doll!” they laughed, watching as their daughter jumped into Josh’s arms.

“Nah, I don’t mind! Tea parties are the best, right Meg?” he tickled her sides and she collapsed into a puddle of giggles on the carpet.

“Did you have a good night?”

“Yeah, it was alright. Here, thank you so much for tonight, I know it was short notice. There’s your wages, alright? Are you still okay to pick Megan up after play group on Friday?”

“Yeah, course! Can’t wait. See ya Megs!”

“Bye Joshy!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shitty chapter but Tyler and Josh meet in the next chapter yay


	3. Sunday Blues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Sorry for kidnapping your kid but he's real cute and all!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm kind of a mess when it comes to updating.   
> Sorry :)  
> Enjoy x

Tyler had spent the majority of Sunday curled into a sobbing bundle of bones and tissues. Home movies played on the television all afternoon, in a desperate attempt to rekindle the happiness he’d somehow found. A little drunk and exhausted, Tyler stumbled to the living room mirror and sighed. He watched, through the reflection, Nogah’s second birthday party. His family were there with smiling faces and party hats. Nogah, clueless as to what was happening, sat bouncing on his mother’s knee with a fistful of cake. The camera panned to the distance, losing focus slightly as the cameraman zoomed in and caught a moment of privacy between Tyler and Jenna. They were kissing, breaking apart to breathe. Tyler remembered that night perfectly in all its passion and lust. It had been thrilling and exciting and romantic.

It had been a goodbye.

Jenna spotted the camera and her face exploded with laughter, covering her mouth and burying her head in Tyler’s chest. Tyler thought about whose chest was there for her now. He thought about how long it’d been since someone had needed his. The thoughts were crawling around his brain, sinking their teeth into the meaty parts. The parts which scared Tyler the most. The areas that didn’t feel like his own brain at all. His mobile rang, pulling Tyler away from the mirror and sent him stumbling to the couch. He knocked the remote to the floor doing so and the film paused.

“Hi Mom,” Tyler whispered, sitting himself down and lighting another cigarette.

“Hi angel, how are you feeling?” Tyler could hear the worry on her voice and it weighed him down like he was drowning.

"How’s Nogah?” he sighed.

“He’s good, yes. He’s had a busy day today so he’s passed out. Do-do you want to pick him up from school tomorrow? Are you up to it?” her tone said she didn’t believe he was.

“Of course I’m up to picking my own fuckin’ child up from school!” Immediately, guilt filled his stomach and he stubbed the remainder of the cigarette out onto the coffee table. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I-I shouldn’t snap. None of this is your fault. Thanks for looking after him, yeah?” he whispered dismissively, eyes trained to the screen. The picture was slowly killing him. Jenna’s smile was bright and beautiful, stealing Tyler’s breath. His arms were wrapped around her in a loving but protective manner. Their weddings rings were proudly exposed and Nogah was bundled up in her arms. 

"It's okay, Tyler. You have to express these feelings some way or another...I-I'd rather you yelled at me than-I-you know, son."

“Yeah, I know. I haven’t, by the way. I-I thought about it but I haven’t.”

“That’s good. Really good, I’m proud of you!”

“Thanks. Listen, I need to get going, okay? I’ll be there to pick Nogah up,” he concluded, hanging up the phone before his mother replied and dropping it at his side. He sat back, eyes never leaving the screen. He wouldn’t tell his mother he stayed there all night, just staring at the happy family that felt so far from where he was. He wouldn’t tell his father he drank the better part of a bottle of whiskey and he certainly wouldn’t tell them he’d slipped three valium into his final drink to numb the pain and knock him out.

Monday meant business. Monday meant cleaning the bottles and the ash trays and the tear stains. Monday meant waking up on time to pick up Nogah from school.

“Shit!” Tyler cursed, falling from the couch with a thump. He grabbed his car keys and fled to the school as quickly as he could. His phone, long since dead, resided beneath the cushions of the couch.

“I’m only... _fuck,_ thirty minutes late.”

He pulled into the car park and ran across to Nogah’s classroom, peering inside and finding the lights turned off and the door locked. He panicked, spinning around and searching the play ground.

“Nogah?” he yelled, feeling the tightness in his chest worsen. “Nogah! Where are you?”

“Daddy!”

His son came running towards him causing Tyler to drop to one knee and scoop him up with relief.

"Where were you?" Tyler gushed, kissing Nogah on the head several times.

"I was in the park, Daddy! The one across the stweet!" 

"What have I told you about going  _anywhere_ on your own?" the elder frowned. 

"I wasn't, Daddy! Josh was wif me! He's lots and lots of fun!" 

"Who's Josh?"

"Er-hi! I am. I came over to introduce myself. I didn't want you thinkin' your kid had done one with some weirdo or whatever. I know I'd be totally freaking out but I was taking Megs to the park anyway and they're friends, y'know? So Megs said she didn't wanna leave Nogah waiting on his own and I thought it was safer than him bein' here without someone. So, yeah. Sorry for kidnappin' your kid but he's real cute and all!" 

"I'm sorry, who  _are_ you? Y-you can't be more than eighteen and you have a  _child_ in the same class as my son?" Tyler inquired, taking Nogah's hand and cocking a brow. Megs hid behind Josh's legs, peering around and pulling tongues at Nogah. 

"I'm nineteen, actually, but Megs isn't mine. Having a kid when I was like thirteen is a bit weird, dude! I'm Megs babysitter. I usually don't pick her up from school, only when her parents can't make it. It's usually her father."

"Right, I was goin' to say I don't think I've seen you before. I'd have definitely noticed you about," Tyler smiled. "What with the bright hair and all."

"We're colourin' it in tonight!" Megan cheered, revealing herself from behind his leg. Josh rolled his eyes fondly.

"Weally?" Nogah gasped, clapping in excitement.

 

"Yeah, I'm thinkin' of rockin' maybe like blue. I don't know, guess we'll just see what Megs comes up with!" Josh giggled.

"Blue is my favowite!" Nogah yelled.

"Right on, dude!" Josh grinned, high fiving Nogah. "Well, we best get goin', need to feed the animal." He picked Megan up with ease and Tyler couldn't help but notice the boy's muscles bulging under the new weight. He lifted her over his shoulders and sat her down. "Nice to meet you," Josh smiled. "See ya round, buddy!" 

"Bye Josh! Bye Megs!" Nogah waved and reached for his father's hand.

"Hey," Tyler called. "T-thanks for lookin' after him."

"Oh, no worries! He's a cool little dude! See y'round!" 

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure we will."

 


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haven't updated this in such a long time so here ya go!
> 
> xx

Tyler hovered over Nogah’s bed frame, admiring his slumbering offspring. His blissful appearance resonated a feeling of safety for him. He pulled the duvet tighter around his son’s body and crept to the doorframe, turning out the light in his travels. Nogah had commented on the pungent stench of cigarettes that stained the living room but Tyler had promised it wouldn’t be there when he awoke.

Three in the morning saw Tyler on his front porch, cigarette embers dancing into the air around him. The neighbourhood was peaceful, the gentle breeze smoking his cigarette for him. In the distance, he could hear the faint chat and laughter of a small group. He wondered if Nogah would make friends in his later age or if his dooming ability to isolate himself would engulf his son, too.

The laughter grew louder and Tyler braced himself for the rowdy onslaught of passersby. Three young men stumbled by, muttering and giggling about something Tyler had never heard of. Two of the teenagers were slung across each other’s shoulders, swaying left to right as they walked. A boy trailed behind, taking gentle swigs from a bottle of spiced rum. The light from Tyler’s porch caught his attention. He stopped walking and squinted in Tyler’s direction.

“Hey!”

The boy waved, stumbling up the grass verge toward Tyler’s house. The elder panicked momentarily before realising who the blue haired boy was.

“You’re drunk,” Tyler laughed, watching Josh stagger to a halt in front of him. The younger boy raised the near empty bottle of rum and grinned, lips stretching across white teeth.

“You’re that dude with the kid,” Josh nodded; falling into the seat beside Tyler was a tired sigh. “Hey, could I bum one of those?” he pleaded, eyes glued to the remains of Tyler’s cigarette.

“Sure,” he shrugged, handing one to Josh and lighting another for himself. “Your friends not goin’ to notice you’re gone?”

“Oh, they’re _fucked._ I don’t even know if they know their way home,” Josh paused and then laughed. “They’ll figure it out.”

“So, you dyed your hair,” Tyler commented, pointing to the faded blue marks staining the majority of his forehead.

“I let Megan do it. Dude, kids do _not_ make great hair dresses. Don’t believe ‘em, no matter how many times they promise!”

Tyler smiled around his cigarette, admiring the way Josh inhaled and rested his head against the wall behind them. He offered the rum to Tyler, who politely declined. Josh studied the older boy for a moment before sighing.

“Your kid is _funny,_ man. Think he and Megan got a thing goin’ on.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Big time. Y’remember when you were a kid and you’d like, be extra hard on the girl you liked? Call her stupid names and shit,” Josh chuckled, taking another drag on the cigarette. Tyler swallowed the dry lump rising in his throat. Images of Jenna flashing through his memories, the distant echo of her chortle whispering in the back of his mind. He shook himself free of the trap and nodded to the boy beside him.

“Yeah, I remember. I hope Nogah isn’t being too hard on Megan.”

“Oh, dude, no! Megan beats the crap outta him! In a cute way, of course.”

Tyler couldn’t help the snort that escaped his nose. He blushed amongst the darkness as he pictured his flustered son being called silly names by Megan – she had seemed so sweet.

“Man, I wish this was a joint.”

Josh grimaced at the ends of his cigarette before stubbing it out beneath his shoe. He turned to Tyler and caught his stir. The porch light suddenly vanished, drowning the boys with shadows.  

“Shit!”

“No, it’s fine. It’s a sensor. You gotta move for it to come on.”

“I got it!” Josh cheered, standing to turn the light back on. It did no such thing. He jumped in the air, cheering when the bulb relit and shone brightly down on them. He wiggled in celebration, losing his footing and tumbling from the porch into the bush beneath. Tyler cackled, leaning down the help him up. Branches and leaves decorated Josh’s striking blue hair and Tyler couldn’t help but notice the faint brushes of pink across his cheeks.

“Sorry, rum makes me clumsy.”

“Rum makes everybody clumsy. Do- do you need a lift home? It’s pretty late out and I’m pretty sure Nogah wouldn’t mind wakin’ up to take you home.”

“I didn’t know Nogah could drive,” Josh whispered, embarrassed by his own miserable attempt to make Tyler laugh. The elder smiled anyway, brushing a stray leaf from Josh’s shoulder.

“So?”

“Nah, it’s okay. I need to sober up before I get home so like, walks are good for that, right? And plus, it’s kinda nice out tonight, don’t you think? I am gonna be really hung over tomorrow,” the boy pouted.

“Ah, that consequences of fun, eh?” Tyler mentally berated himself for making out to Josh as though he were too old to know what fun was. Then again, it’d been a long time since Tyler had had the time to do just that.

“So, I guess I’ll see you around? Oh! I meant to say. I usually take Megan the park after school so if you ever need me to look after the little dude for a while if you’re busy, I don’t mind. Free of charge, of course.”

His smile was blinding and Tyler couldn’t say no. His eyelids were crinkled in an innocent way, like he’d spent most of his days grinning and laughing. Tyler liked that idea; of Josh happy. He wondered if Josh had ever felt the way Tyler was so accustomed to; if he’d ever looked through the clear end of a rum bottle and not been smiling. He didn’t like that thought as much.

“We can talk about that when you’re sober.”

“Definitely! Although I probably _won’t_ remember this, I think I presented myself very professionally!”

“Are you sure you’re goin’ to be alright?”

“Stop ya worrying! I’m gonna go before you force me into your car. Thanks for the smoke,” he smiled, waving as he stumbled along the pathway.

“Enjoy the hangover!”

Tyler locked the door behind him, a warm and content feeling bubbling through him. Josh was young and shone the definition of innocence and it was a refreshing change from the reality of adult life. For a moment, he hadn’t been withering away in his own self pity and had managed a half decent conversation that didn’t revolve around his mid life crisis, even if Josh w _as_ drunk. Tyler often regretted the years of his youth and how he spent them. He wished he’d have been carefree like Josh – a social butterfly. But he couldn’t change the past and as he strode past Nogah’s room and peaked inside; he knew he wouldn’t change it for the world.

The following day brought a sense of excitement for Tyler and he wasn’t sure why. He’d awoken feeling bright and Nogah could tell, clinging to him like he always had. Tyler had missed this, his son wanting to be around him. He knew it scared him when Tyler broke but it was something that, sadly, the boy would become neutral to.

“Why you happy, daddy?”

“Because I have you!” Tyler beamed, kissing the boy on the cheek. “School time, come on.”

Tyler didn’t see Josh at the school gates that morning but a rather warm looking, middle aged women who greeted Nogah with a grin. She waved at Tyler and although she seemed polite, Tyler would have preferred a blue haired supernova. However, when the end of the school day rolled round, Tyler was amongst the first parents there; gathering in their small groups and gossiping to themselves. Tyler was about to give up hope of seeing Josh when he saw the children filing out of the classroom.

“I am _so_ fuckin’ hungover.”

He spun on his heel to greet the boy and couldn’t contain his mockery.

“Jesus, you look terrible!”

Josh was slumped against the gate, a pair of large black sunglasses covering the majority of his face. He wore an oversized sweater and grey sweatpants and his hair was unkempt and stuffed beneath a beanie. The children began to descend up the path, Nogah and Megan making their way to Josh and Tyler. He couldn’t help but notice Megan pulling tongues at Nogah, who wouldn’t stop pouting between giggles.

“Oh god, they’re so loud,” Josh whispered, rubbing his forehead.

“Alright,” Tyler scoffed, rolling his eyes compassionately. “Burgers on me.”

“Oh my god, really?” Josh gasped.

“Yeah, really. Nogah deserves a treat anyway.”

“Dude, you’re the best!”

“Josh!!” Megan cried, running into his arms and watching Nogah do the same. Tyler kissed his cheek and the boy quickly wiped it away. Tyler got the memo – not in front of Megan.

“Hey, guess what?” Josh whispered. “Tyler is bein’ super cool and takin’ us for burgers!”

“Weally?” Nogah clapped. He leant into Tyler’s neck, wrapping his arms around it and placed a gentle kiss to his temple. He whispered quietly so Josh wouldn’t hear. What Tyler heard nearly shattered the cracked fragments of his barely mended heart.

“I like it better when you’re happy, papa.”


	5. Highway Diner

The faint thump of Smashing Pumpkin’s blared through the radio, filling the car with a feeling of freedom. The words lost between the squeaks and giggles of Nogah and Megan. Tyler caught glimpses of their hands pushing at one another; his son’s beaming smile an unburied treasure. Beside him, Josh’s hair danced with the breeze from the open window, arm hanging out to cut the wind as the world flew by them.

It all felt right.

“Where would you like to eat?” Tyler smiled, catching the attention of the otherwise preoccupied passenger. The younger boy shrugged, offering one of his heartbreaker smiles that Tyler thought he could never forget.

“There’s this really sweet diner on the edge of town. Me and Megs found it on one of our adventures! Right, Megs?” he asked, peering into the backseat where Nogah and Megan were linking little fingers. He cooed at the sweetness of the her rosy cheeks.

“Yeah! They got colourin’ books n stuff, Nogah!” she cheered.

“Guide the way!” Tyler laughed, feeling the weight of the week slipping away. They drove for the better part of an hour, following the winding roads of Ohio. The buildings faded into fields and fresh air.

“Take the next left,” Josh hummed, staring at Tyler through half lidded eyes. “It’s not far now.”

The radio switched songs, the familiar beat of a Fall Out Boy song bumping the speakers. Josh cheered, twisting in his seat to grin at Megan, who’d thrown her hands into the air with delight.

“It’s our song, Megs!”

He began thrashing in his seat, frazzled blue hair splashing across his exaggerated faces. Megan giggled alongside Nogah as they imitated his movements. They threw their heads to the pounding music, Megan and Josh banging their imaginary drum kits with passion.

“Woah, serious guitar skills, Nogah!” Josh gasped as they young boy wiggled his fingers against the nonexistent strings. Tyler had to concentrate on keeping the car on the right side of the road as his heart swelled and pulsed with admiration. He couldn’t often offer Nogah these moments of silliness.

They pulled into the nearly desolate car park, the fragmented building an eyesore against the scenic background. Tyler threw a quirked brow at Josh, whose devilish smirk had killed him seven times over.

“Trust me, they do the best burgers!”

Josh hopped from the car, instantly unbuckling Megan and placing her at his side. Tyler did the same for Nogah as they fled inside. The diner was quaint and ambient. An elder woman with a warming face welcomed them, showing them to a compact booth by the window.

“Um, exwuse me?” Nogah whispered, peering at the lady with large, irresistible eyes.

“Yes, dear?”

“Um, my fwend told me you have colourwing books!”

She disappeared much to the children’s disappointment yet returned instantly, two colouring books and crayons in tow. She snorted as they were snatched from her hands with quick thanks, pages torn open and crayons littering the table in record time.

“Ready to order?”

“Joshie, can I have a milkshake?” Megan pleaded, crossing her hands in front of her chest with a pout.

“You’ll have to ask Tyler, Megs! He’s bein’ a gentlemen and paying,” Josh grinned.

“Please, Tyler! Please!”

“Oh, I don’t know,” he sighed, tapping his jaw in thought. “On one condition!”

“Anythin’!” she cried, Nogah gasping and nodding his head in agreement.

“Yeah, daddy! Anythin’!”

“You guys have to colour me a work of art to hang on our fridge!”

“Yes! Fank you!” Megan cried, nudging Nogah for the crayons. Tyler admired them for a moment as they messily coloured outside the lines. He couldn’t imagine a more perfect sight. Until he glanced upwards to see a sleepy eyed, blue haired boy scanning the menu. His lips were slightly parted, glistening under the bright diner lights. His eyes, though hooded, were alive with appetite. He’d removed his sweatshirt to expose unbelievably toned arms littered with artwork.

“Should I give you a moment?” the lady chuckled. It was Tyler’s turn to blush. Josh’s stomach growled loudly.

“Better not!” Josh groaned. “Um, we’ll have two chocolate milkshakes for the monsters. Megs wants spaghetti. I’ll have a double cheeseburger with fries, please! Oh and um, yeah why not, I’ll have a milkshake, too!” He peered at Tyler, rolling his eyes at his astonished expression.

“I’ll just have a salad with a black coffee, please. He’ll have nuggets and fries.”

“Won’t be too long for you guys!” she smiled, collecting the menus and fleeing to the kitchen.

“Salad and coffee? How exciting!” Josh joked.

“How are you so... y’know, eating like that?!”

“Dude, there’s this crazy new invention, right? I mean, it’s pretty elite so I don’t blame you for not knowing. It’s called the gym!”

“Oh, shut up,” Tyler snorted. “Seriously though, you’re like, _ripped.”_

“Thanks,” he shrugged, a little embarrassed and flattered. “I work out a lot. Between that, keepin’ up with Megan and playin’ drums, I don’t do too bad.”

“Drums? That’s cool. I used to sing a bit in high school.”

“Daddy’s got the best voice!” Nogah boasted, barely glancing up from his colouring book.

“Is that so?” Josh grinned, resting a favourable expression against his palm. “I’d love to hear it sometime.”

“Oh, I don’t really sing much anymore...”

“He’s tellin’ porkies!” Nogah shouted, pointing an accusing finger. “He sings in shower!”

“Guess I’ll have to come over when you’re showerin’ then,” Josh whispered behind a secretive hand. The waitress returned to save Tyler from floundering to death. She placed two of the largest milkshakes they’d ever seen in front of Nogah and Megan, whose mouths were nearly brushing the floor in amazement. Josh’s burger was equally as impressive and Tyler didn’t think he’d ever seen a human _actually_ drool over a meal before.

His salad and coffee felt lacklustre in comparison.

“Oh my God,” Josh moaned, eyes fluttering beneath their lids. “This is the best burger I’ve ever eaten!”

“It’s just a burger,” Tyler laughed, shaking his head. He cut Nogah’s nuggets into smaller pieces as the boy devoured his plate. Megan slurped at her spaghetti, sauce flicking up and splashing her cheeks.

“Daddy, twy this!” he cried, pushing the milkshake into Tyler’s face, spattering cream over his nose. Josh snorted into a mouthful of burger, leaning across the table and scooping it away with his finger. He popped it into his mouth and watched Tyler with innocent eyes. The children leant together, giggling behind their messy hands as they watched the adults. Tyler, in an attempt to rid the heat rising in his face, took a gulp of the milkshake and beamed at his son.

“Wow, that’s delicious! Bet ya can’t finish the _whole_ thing!”

“Uh huh! I’m gonna finish it all, Daddy! I’m gonna win!”

“Yeah, daddy, Nogah’s gonna win!” Josh whispered around another bite. Tyler’s mouth hung open, searching Josh’s expression for a hint of embarrassment yet found nothing but careful arrogance. He shoved a forkful of lettuce and tomato into his mouth.

Tyler polished off his salad as the children finished their meals, returning to their colouring and taking sips of their seemingly bottomless milkshakes. Josh sighed, leaning back against the booth and patting his bloated stomach in content.

“Man, I am _stuffed!_ You’re a life saver!”

“No more hangover?”

“Nope! You restored me to full health. I’m in debt to you.”

“Oh, no. Really, don’t worry about it. I still remember what it’s like bein’ hungover,” Tyler teased, waving the waitress for the bill.

“Been that long, huh?”

The brown haired boy stole a fleeting look at his son and swallowed the familiar taste of unease, images of his living room covered in a sea of cans and bottles just days previous flashing through his mind.

“Not really.”

“Well, like I said, I owe you one. How about,” he began, turning to face Nogah and Megan. “we catch a movie after school next week?”

Megan clapped her hands, falling into Josh’s side. He smiled down at her and Tyler found himself pondering how Josh would be when he finally had his own children.

“Daddy, _pwease!”_

“I guess so,” he agreed, laughing as Nogah jumped into his arms. He plastered a sloppy kiss against his son’s cheek and thanked the waitress as she placed down the bill. She sighed at the scene in front of her as Tyler clambered for his wallet.

“You guys make a lovely family!”

Tyler paused, fingers deep in his wallet clutching a cluster of bills. Josh snorted, facing the woman with a warming grin.

“Thank you so much! We do try.”

She took the money from Tyler and ran to the door where another couple had entered. Josh watched as the waitress motioned to their table. They hadn’t realised the diner had slowly filled around them.

“Guess they need our table,” Josh huffed, quickly clearing up the colouring books and crayons. “So, movie next week?” he mused, refusing to make eye contact.

“It’s a date,” Tyler confirmed. He felt the presence of the waitress and couple beside them as he slid Nogah’s coat on.

“Sorry to budge you, folks!” she apologised. Tyler turned to assure her it was quiet alright, that they’d had a lovely meal and were heading home. But the woman before him turned his skin white, eyes widening in disbelief.

“ _Tyler...”_

Nogah stirred beside him, clambering over his lap in excitement.

“Mommy!”  


	6. Bottles and Bedtime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally having the worst day ever. 
> 
> Read with caution, drinking and abuse involved.

“ _Jenna.”_

Tyler’s chest deflated, air rushing out in a breath of her name. His eyes, wide with panic, were glued to her equally startled expression. The man beside her appeared uncomfortable, suspicious stare darting between the two boys in the booth.

“Mommy!” Nogah whined, tiny hands grasping at her flowing floral skirt. She swallowed the lump in her throat, bending down and picking him up awkwardly. He nuzzled into her neck, arms circling her and grasping tightly; the hug he’d been waiting too long for.

“Hi, Nogah.”

“Um” Josh muttered in an attempt to unfreeze Tyler from his static position. Megan, sensing the tension, had buried herself into Josh’s side. He lay a protective arm around her.

“Shall I give you folks a minute?” the waitress inquired, already shuffling to another table demanding attention. Tyler finally heaved a breath, leaning back against the seat and pulling his shaking hands beneath the table and out of sight.

“Sorry,” the woman smiled, though quick and unapologetic. “This is obviously uncomfortable. I’m Jenna, Nogah’s mother.” She threw a free hand out for Josh to shake, which he did with a careful politeness. Tyler sprung from the booth and shrank beside the shadow of Jenna’s company. He was much broader than Tyler, an opposite picture of strength yet Josh couldn’t tear his eyes away from the crumbling man before him.

“Josh,” he nodded. “Nice to meet you! Um, I don’t mean to be rude but I guess this is your table and I should be gettin’ Megan home soon.”

“Of course,” Jenna agreed, setting Nogah on the floor beside Tyler. “Guess Nogah should be heading home, too.”

“No!” he whined, already pulling against the fabric of her skirt. “Mommy!”

“Don’t be silly, Nogah,” she fussed, petting him on the head. “Go to Daddy.”

“But- but, Mommy! You-“

“Nogah! I said, go to Daddy! Do as I say!” Cowering at her bark, he reluctantly shuffled to Tyler, who swiftly cradled him as he began to sniffle.

“Nice to see you’ve gotten the swing of parenthood.”

“Tyler-“

He was already barging out the door, bouncing Nogah as he cried into the crook of his shoulder. Josh threw a sarcastic grimace to the pair, quickly following him with Megan in hand. He glanced over his shoulder as the door opened to see the couple had slid into the booth, resuming their light hearted conversation as though the alteration hadn’t taken place.

In the car, however, was a different story. Nogah was howling into one of his stuffed toys, already buckled up in the back seat. Tyler was perched in the driver’s seat, white knuckles clutching the wheel as his chest raised and fell. Josh fastened Megan’s seatbelt and slid into the passenger side, sitting quietly for a moment before turning to Tyler.

“Tyler...”

“It’s fine.”

He started the car, reversing out of the parking space quickly and putting distance between Jenna and themselves. Josh couldn’t help but notice to bitter juxtaposition of their car journey to the diner, filled with laughter and music, compared to the sour atmosphere that lingered between them. The radio was turned off, leaving only Nogah’s gentle whimpers to fill the air. Josh spun in his seat, pressing a caring hand on Nogah’s knee.

“Hey, buddy, it’s alright! You don’t need to be upset.”

“M-mommy d-doesn’t wove me!” he sobbed, burying his face into the soaked teddy bear. Megan was pouting, mirroring Nogah’s upset.

“Don’t say that, kiddo. How could somebody with a brain not love you? You’re awesome!” Josh cheered.

“N-n-no ‘m not! Or- or she’d wove me!”

“Pft, I think you’re nuts!” the elder boy laughed, hiding his stress behind a grin. “Y’know what I’d do to be as cool as you? Man, you have serious guitar skills! And don’t get me started on your colourin’!”

“Weally?” Nogah sniffled, peering out from behind the toy. Josh nodded enthusiastically.

“And I’ll let you in on a little secret,” he whispered, leaning further into the back of the car. “I heard a certain someone think you’re pretty cute!” Megan screamed in protest, red flaring up her cheeks in an instant.

“Joshie! You big mouth!”

Nogah fell into a fit of giggles, discarding the bear onto the seat to pull tongues of Megan, who sat cross armed with a scowl. Nogah nudged her and they began play fighting and Josh knew it was safe to turn back around. He stole a glance at Tyler, who remained stone faced and focused on the whizzing road in front of them.

After twenty minutes, Tyler cleared his throat.

“Does Megan need dropping off?”

“Oh, yeah please. If that’s alright. Um, you can just drop me off outside your place. I can walk home from there.”

“I can give you a ride home.”

“No! Erm, no it’s fine. I can walk.”

Josh directed them to Megan house, noting the silence from the backseat as both children had fallen asleep. It was nearing six o’clock by the time they reached Megan’s house and Josh disappeared inside for a moment. Tyler took the time to watch his son snooze in the rear view mirror, lip trembling as his tear stained face slept peacefully. He heaved in a breath, tightening his grip on the wheel.

“Don’t fucking cry,” he warned himself, spotting Josh walking back to the car.

“Thanks,” the younger sighed. “Yeah, just drop me off outside your place.”

Once home, Tyler was careful not to wake Nogah as he unfastened his belt and carried him inside. The porch light flickered on at their arrival and Josh bit back a smile at the fond memory. Josh lingered at the door, waiting to thank Tyler and say goodbye but the elder just strolled inside, leaving the door open as an invite.

“I’m just puttin’ Nogah down for a nap.”

“Alright.”

Josh surveyed the home and felt jealous of the warmth and comfort. Although not entirely spacious, it was certainly homely and nicely decorated. A faint smell of cigarette smoke loitered in the living room, masked by incense. He inspected the photographs on the walls; they were mostly of Nogah, several with Tyler yet none with the blonde haired woman from the diner. Tyler appeared from the hallway, padding straight into the kitchen and pulling out a whiskey bottle from the shelf. He grabbed two glasses from the cupboard and met Josh on the couch.

“Whiskey?”

“Oh! Sure,” Josh shrugged, leaning back into the large cushions. Tyler poured two fairly sized glasses and handed one to Josh. He took a small sip, hissing at the bitter taste and raising an eyebrow as Tyler slammed back his glass in one gulp. He poured himself another and settled back.

“’M sorry ‘bout the diner. And the ride home. Shouldn’t have put you and Megan through that.”

There was something about the resignation in Tyler’s voice that threw Josh off course.

“Nah, honestly, it’s alright. Megan’s a tough kid and you weren’t to know she’d be there. Do- do you mind me asking why it was so awkward? She doesn’t seem too good with Nogah. Which is a shame; he’s such a great kid!”

“A damn shame,” Tyler sighed, rubbing his temple in thought. “Our relationship was everything that a relationship shouldn’t be, I guess. We got together in high school and we were good for a while. Y’know, I really thought we’d be together forever at one point? I was young and too fuckin’ naive to believe what my parents were tellin’ me. We got married just to spite everybody. Just two stupid teenagers too angry to face reality but it worked, for a bit. Then she got pregnant with Nogah and we couldn’t do it anymore. We started fighting more; I saw a side to her I never knew existed. A side I won’t let be around my son.”

“Is- is that why she’s not good with him? She’s never really around?”

“She has visitation rights. Supposed to have him on a regular basis but she never shows up. That kid fuckin’ idolises her without realising the damage she’s done to us; to _me.”_

A comfortable silence draped over the pair. Tyler shook his head and drained the last of his glass of whiskey.

“Shit, I’m sorry. This is really weird, I shouldn’t be forcin’ my problems on you!”

“Hey, I asked,” Josh smiled, gulping the last of his glass and placing it on the table. Tyler reached for the whiskey bottle but the younger boy frowned. “I’m good. I probably should get goin’ though. Don’t wanna be home too late.”

“Of course. Thank you for today and again, I’m so sorry.”

“Stop apologising! Me and Megs had a great time! Tell Nogah I said bye, will you? If the little dude ever wants to learn drums, I’ll be his teacher!”

“Oh God, I’m sure he’ll love that,” Tyler snorted, picking up the bottle and following Josh to the door. The younger boy glanced down the hallway and then to the bottle in Tyler’s hand.

“Hey, you gonna be alright tonight?”

“Yeah. Really, it’s alright. I- I can’t let her keep doing this to us.”

Somehow, Josh knew Tyler was lying through his teeth. He stepped out of the front door, illuminated by the porch light and turned to face Tyler with a cheeky grin.

“Don’t forget, we have a date next week!” He disappeared down the road and Tyler watched as he faded into the oncoming darkness of the evening. He stumbled into the chair on the porch and lit a cigarette, running a hand through his sweat laced hair. Josh had been a breath of fresh air, before Jenna had swooped in and infected it once again. He glared at the bottle in his hands and thought of the slumbering boy inside. Tipping the bottle slightly, a splash of whiskey hit the deck before he quickly titled it upright again.

“Fuck,” he whispered, plunging the neck into his mouth and guzzling the tart drink.

-

Josh quickly paced through the streets, eventually leaving the nicer part of town into the rougher outskirts. He could smell the faint whisk of weed in the air and craved the spliff he knew he had rolled in his room. He eventually arrived home, hoping over the chain link fence and digging in his pocket for the key. He opened it quickly, kicking beer cans away from the path inside.

The house was dark and quiet, lulling Josh into a false sense of security. He peered into the living room, expecting his father to be slumped against the couch, passed out and lit by the flashing images of the television; yet the room was empty and the television lifeless.

“Must be out,” he shrugged, quietly locking the door and slipping off his shoes. He tiptoed toward his bedroom, peaking into his little brother’s room and seeing him fast asleep. He smiled into the shadows and closed the door. He could practically taste the joint as his room came into view. He turned the handle and let himself inside, grabbing discarded headphones from the carpet.

“Finally,” he breathed, opening the small wooden box under his bed. He pulled out the thick spliff, popping the roach in his mouth and tapping his pockets for a lighter. He ran his thumb over the flint, watching the flame burst out and ignite the joint. He inhaled deeply, resting his head back against his shoulders and letting the smoke twirl and dance above him.

He could’ve sworn he heard heavy breathing.

His back tensed as the spliff hung loosely from his lips, eyes wide as he listened closely. The sinister huff of broken breaths. He spun on his heel to see his father, drunk and filled with rage, in his doorway.

“Dad!”

“Where the fuck have you been?”

“I- babysitting! I told you!”

“Liar!” the large man bellowed, stumbling forward and grabbing Josh by the shirt. He whimpered beneath him as his weight was thrown into his shelf.

“I swear! We went for burgers!”

“You took that fuckin’ kid out to eat and left your own fuckin’ family here s _tarving?_ ”

“Please-“

“Shut up!” he spat, backhanding Josh across the face. The joint flew from his mouth, rolling across the carpet. His father bent down, nearly falling in the process and grabbed the spliff from the floor.

“Waste all my God damn money on this shit!”

“It-it’s my money, from babysitting!”

“What did you just say to me, boy?”

Josh took a breath.

“It’s my money. From babysittin- _ow fuck! Stop! Stop it!”_

His father had pushed his hands against Josh’s throat and plunged the spliff into his neck, the skin beneath it searing and burning. Josh crumbled under the pain as his father released him, wheezing in a bundle on the ground. Tears leaked and trailed over his cheeks and the burn worsened with the cool air. His father placed the joint in his own mouth and continued to smoke it.

“No more of this babysitting bullshit. You’re not to leave this house until I say so.”

“But-“

“I’m fuckin’ warnin’ you, boy. Not until I say so and not a God damn minute sooner!”

 

 

 


	7. Fate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning! Emotional abuse.
> 
> Could be potentially upsetting so read with care :)
> 
> Thank you for your support!!  
> xx

_“You slept with him?”_

_“Can you really blame me? You spend most of your time locked away in that God forsaken basement scribbling nonsense into your diary like some pathetic psychopath!”_

_“Jenna, the doctor said-“_

_“The doctor said, the doctor said! It’s always about what the fuckin’ doctor has to say! What about what I have to say, Tyler? Do I not matter?”_

_“Of course you do! You matter the most!” Tyler cried, fingers dancing through one another as he perched awkwardly in the corner. Jenna’s eyes, the first shattered part of the puzzle that’d stolen Tyler’s breath away, were aching with anger. Her flustered cheeks spoke volumes to her rage; a rage that shrank Tyler into the edge of the room._

_“It doesn’t feel that way, Tyler. You pushed me away! You pushed me to him! Maybe if you spent a little more time making me feel appreciated, I wouldn’t have to find attention from somebody else! And God, was he willing to give me all the attention I wanted. He was caring and slow and guess what, Tyler? His dick-“_

_“Stop it! Stop it, please!” he cried, covering innocent ears with trembling palms. His eyes were screwed tight, images of the burly bartender doing what Tyler couldn’t, etched onto their lids as mockery._

_“Oh, here we go! Start with the dramatics, right? It’s one thing you’re not enough of a man to give me what I want; no, what I deserve! Now, you’re too scared to even hear what you should’ve been doing! You’re an embarrassment, Tyler Joseph.”_

_Her words sliced like heated knives, ripping into his stomach and twirling through his intestines. His chest collapsed inward, breath slithering through the tiny holes in his lungs._

_“I’m- I’m sorry, I’m doing all I can! It’s not my fault, Jenna, I promise! It’s these voices, they- they make me feel so...” he pondered, words lost in the desert of his mouth. He darted his tongue over the niggling skin of his lips as he drowned beneath the crush of her wrath._

_“Inadequate?  Useless? Worthless?” she sneered, crossing arms and curling lips._

_“Yes. Yes! I’m sorry! I know I’m not good enough but I- I know that they’re just voices now. I’m working on it.”_

_“They may just be in your head, Tyler, but they’re right.”_

_“What?” he croaked, eyes opening and overflowing with despair._

_“You heard me. I’m not sure how long I can do this for.”_

_“No!” Tyler cried, stumbling forward and clutching the fringe of Jenna’s coat. “Please, Jenna, you can’t leave me. I- I don’t care you slept with him, okay? You’re right. You’re right. You- I should be giving you what you need, I just can’t right now and I know I’m a burden but you can’t give up on me, okay? Please? I’ll make it up to you, I promise. I’ll- I’ll be the man you wanted me to be, okay? I’ll do anything, Jenna. You can’t leave me on my own with them, you don’t understand. I’m scared of what’ll happen if you leave me on my own with them!”_

_Jenna stared at the crumbling man before her; pupils wild and hands alive with panic. She bore a smirk that was bitter and cold but Tyler couldn’t focus on anything other than not being alone with the taunting voices. She tugged her arm free of his grasp and lay a gentle palm on his prominent cheekbone._

_“You need me, Tyler Joseph. Don’t you?”_

_“Yes! Yes! I’m scared, Jenna. Please. I promise you, I’m going to make it up to you. You’ll see, if you give me one more chance?”_

_She quirked her brow in mockery._

_“You understand how lucky you are that I’m giving you one more chance? I could leave right now, Tyler and never look back.”_

_“I know! I swear I’ll do better. I’ll stop writing and hiding and why- why don’t we go have sex? Right now, Jenna, come on! I can give you what you need, I’ll show you!” His tone was pleading, much to her twisted delight._

_“Why would I want to have sex with you, right now? You look awful, Tyler. Besides, I’m goin’ out for a little while. This is your last chance, do you understand?”_

_He violent shook his head._

_“I understand.”_

-

“Daddy!”

Tyler startled awake, a thick and chilling sweat running over his skin. His clouded eyes betrayed him, Nogah nothing more than a blurred figure shaking him with tiny hands.

“Hmph,” Tyler whined, pushing himself into a slouching position. He gently pushed past Nogah, hands slapping across the table until they found an open water bottle. As he guzzled and wet his mouth, his eyes focused across the mess in front of him. Cigarettes butts littered the table and emitted their foul stench. Beside an overflowing ashtray sat a drained bottle of whiskey which explained the ferocious pounding in Tyler’s head.

“Daddy?”

“Mornin’ love,” he groaned, patting the couch beside him. Nogah, though slightly uneasy, shuffled in beside his father. He scrunched his nose at the persistent, unpleasant odour.

“Daddy, you smell like that again!”

“Like what?”

“Like when you’re sad.”

Tyler closed his eyes and swallowed the layer of bitterness that coated his tongue. He lay a hand over Nogah’s head and fumbled for the words he’d used so many times; the words that solidified his defeat.

“How ‘bout a day at Grandma’s?”

“But, I wanted to spend the day with you, Daddy. Can we go park? Or, or go see Megan and Joshie?”

Tyler ignored the beseeching tone of Nogah’s voice and messily clambered his way to a stand. The boy beneath him peered up through moist lashes, small against the cushions that padded him.

“I’m coming with you, kiddo. We’ll do somethin’ fun when we get there, alright?”

“Okay, Daddy.”

“We’ll have to walk today, so pick out sensible shoes.”

“Walk!” Nogah gasped, arms flapping at his sides. “Why do we gotta walk? That sucks!”

“Um” Tyler sighed, rubbing a palm against his aching head. “Daddy isn’t feeling great today, Nogah. No shouting, please.”

“Daddy, when are we gonna see Joshie again?”

“Soon, Nogah. Real soon. _I hope.”_

-

A persistent knocking brought Josh from his stupor. A cigarette hung lazily from his lips as he perched on the window sill, watching the world outside continue without him as though he’d been forgotten. Sometimes, Josh wondered if he had. The doorknob turned and revealed a nervous expression peaking through.

“Hey, Jordan,” Josh sighed, beckoning him inside. “Dad passed out?”

“On the couch,” he muttered, perching on the edge of Josh’s bed. He watched his brother smoke in silence for a moment before working up the nerve.

“What happened last night?”

“Hm?”

“Was sleepin’,” the younger sibling shrugged. “Heard Dad yellin’ then you- you were screamin’ pretty loud. He didn’t... y’know.”

“No. No,” Josh spat, flicking the butt out of the window and watching as it twirled through the air until it hit the ground below. “Not for ages. We just had a fight. You don’t have to worry ‘bout that stuff, J.”

“But it sounded bad! Did he do that? On your neck?”

Josh pushed himself forward, glaring into the cracked mirror on the wall. The night’s lack of sleep was evident on his features and the burn on his neck looks angered and painful. He hissed at the sight and turned away.

“Yeah, stubbed a joint out on my neck. _Asshole.”_

“Oh.”

They shared a moment of comfortable quietness.

“Hey, can you take me somewhere today?” Jordan inquired in an attempt to lighten the sour mood. Josh shrugged, picking at a hole in his duvet.

“Can’t, buddy. House arrest.”

“Jeez, again? I wish he wasn’t so hard on you.”

“Like I said, kiddo, you don’t gotta worry ‘bout that stuff. Where you goin’?” he prodded, pulling another cigarette out of his pocket and perching it between his lips.

“Don’t laugh, alright? I- erm, I’m goin’ for milkshakes.”

“Yeah, real fuckin’ funny!” Josh mocked.

“With a _girl.”_

“Dude! Sweet! You’re not goin’ dressed like that, right?” he snorted, gesturing to his brother’s attire. His cardigan was slightly stained and his jeans rode high on his ankles.

“Hey! I did my best with what I had!”

“Jesus, c’mere. Take that ugly thing off,” Josh barked, tugging the cardigan away from his brother. He stood in front of the mirror as Josh rummaged in his wardrobe. He pulled out a black snapback and ruffled his brother’s hair before slipping it over his head. He withdrew his favourite camo jacket and ordered his brother to put it on.

“Where are my scissors at?”

“Scissors?!” Jordan panicked, pulling a face as Josh found them in the depth of his desk drawer.

“Dude, I’m helpin’ you! _Trust_ me.”

Josh tore a slit across the left knee of Jordan’s jeans and took a step back to admire his work.

“Yeah, way better! Shame about the face,” he joked, nudging his brother’s arm. “I’ll take you shopping next time I get paid, alright? Here, take this.”

Josh pulled a crumpled ten dollar bill from his pocket and gave it to Jordan, who gasped as though the Holy Grail were in his hand.

“Dude, really?”

“Yeah, man. Be a gentleman, alright? Compliment her, don’t tell shitty jokes and definitely do _not_ mention your comic book collection.”

“Thanks, Josh. Y’know, you’re a really cool big brother.”

Josh smiled fondly at the boy as he left the room, leaving him, once again, to suffer in his own thoughts. He heard the front door quietly click to a close; the sound of tumbling cans and uncomfortable groaning quickly following. Footsteps padded down the length of the hallway, his father’s shadow interrupting the flow of light from under the door.

“Boy?”

Josh closed his eyes and awaited his fate.


	8. Mirror Image

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hints of sexual abuse, drinking, violence.
> 
> Read with care.
> 
> Thank you for your kind words :) shitty update but I've been away all week and planning something big for the next chapter :)  
> xx

“Ty?”

Tyler was rudely awakened back into the midst of reality by his ever worrying mother. His eyes focused on her almost permanently concerned frown and the wearied eyes of his father. He had long since hardened himself against the pending anxiety that pulsed from his parents.

They were sitting somewhat awkwardly around his mother’s dining room table as Nogah coloured in the near distance. The innocence and carefree nature of his son never failed to warm him in the most bitter of times; times that he were sat opposite two less than gleeful expressions, facing the same monotonous conversation Tyler could perhaps choreograph in his mind.

“You’ve been drinking again, son,” his father sighed, with a resounding hint of disappointment. Tyler, hands clasped around the thin china of his mother’s tea set, heaved a frustrated breath. He was growing tired of his parent’s expectations; he was enraged by their lack of understanding.

It was _normal_ to break down.

It was _normal_ to drink.

It was _normal_ to have sweat inducing, spine tingling nightmares that lead to a bout of restless nights.

“Can we not do this now?” Tyler whispered sharply, thumb and finger massaging his throbbing temples. His mother took a sip of her unsweetened tea with a pinched expression.

“You can’t sweep it under the rug forever, kid.”

“I’m aware of that and _have_ been aware of that for the last ten years,” he barked, slamming the cup against its coaster. Nogah startled at the noise; large and desperate eyes searching the faces of his most loved. They were angry and cold, Daddy’s frown deeper than most days but Nogah knew that meant his Daddy’s head was busy and there was no space for Nogah’s attitude. Although no one had noticed his attention, he quickly pretended to zip his mouth closed, deciding instead that the brightly coloured scribbles that only _slightly_ resembled Josh and Tyler was much more interesting.

“We’ve been talking,” his mother began, voice soft as though to cushion the blow.

“Jesus, when a _ren’t_ you talking about me? You do have other kids, y’know? Maybe they haven’t all had a horrible breakdown that is still very much a prevalent issue and they probably don’t have to figure out how to balance finding a job, owning a house and having a six year old kid but they deserve some of your worry, too, right?”

“Do not talk to your mother like that!” his father challenged, slamming his own tea cup against the table. This time, Nogah was unable to look away. The dark blue crayon grasped between his chubby fingers shook with unease as Tyler clambered to a stand. Nogah found his Grandmother’s face; aged in panic. She stared at her husband and son, perched at the coffee table as though two animals declaring war.

Nogah didn’t like when Daddy acted like this.

“You’re suffocating me! I can’t pick up one God damn drink without you breathing down the back of my neck! Look at him,” Tyler roared, throwing a finger in his son’s direction. “He’s _fine._ He eats, he sleeps, he goes to school! What more do you want? If I can give my son what he needs and keep myself alive, isn’t that all you can fucking expect from me?”

“You talk like your mother and I are the ones causing your problems! You have to look in the mirror, son and realise they come from within. We’re only trying to protect you from going to a place we all know you’ve been before. We can’t go through that again, son and I don’t think you could, either.”

The sympathy dripping from his father’s voice did little to calm Tyler, who’d worked himself into a frenzy. Nogah, too engaged to turn away, gawped with an open mouth at the argument that escalated before him. He watched his Grandfather’s neck pulsate with the ramblings of his anger, saliva and accusation darting from his lips across the room. Tyler, sharp tongued and quick lipped, spitting the same level of disregard back. The boy trembled beneath the booming voices as the crayon slipped from his fingers. Covering his eyes with tiny hands, Nogah crawled under the small plastic table he was colouring on and hid away from his father’s crazed look.

“Maybe it would’ve been easier on both of you if I’d have just killed myself all those years ago, right? I bet you’re _real_ fuckin’ happy you walked in on me before I fuckin’ choked to death.”

_Slap._

Tyler’s shuddering hand soothed against the fiery red skin of his cheek. His mother had launched herself forward, slapping a hot palm across Tyler’s expression to stunt his words; and silence them she did. The room fell into tense silence. Nogah, ears still muted but eyes peeled open, watched as Tyler’s arm fell stiff at his sides. His Grandmother’s face remained unmoved from its shocked disposition. His grandfather stood statuesque, watching Tyler carefully in case he lost control. But Tyler was quiet, assessing the situation. His mother edged forward and Tyler stumbled back, head shaking left to right in disbelief. He started toward the table where Nogah was hiding. Seeing his father make way toward him, Nogah crawled out from the small space and unblocked his hearing.

“I may not be the world’s greatest parent. I may have a bit of a drinking problem and Jesus, I might even hate the thought of taking another God damn breath sometimes but I would _never_ hit my child.”

The acidity of his words left an impression on his parents, whose gasps faded into the quietness. They watched with guilt as Tyler scooped Nogah into his arms and grabbed their bags.

“Tyler, please!” his mother cried, following their heels to the door. “Please, I’m so sorry! You know I would never do that to you it’s just hearing you speak like that! Please!”

They watched him reach the end of the path as Nogah spun frantically in his grasp to peer at them. As Tyler furiously stormed away from the house, their sad expressions faded into the horizon. Nogah swallowed the sadness that imploded within as a batch of tears crashed beneath his eyelids. He silently wiped away the ring of snot that gathered at the foot of his nostril as he cuddled into his father’s neck.

_Daddy needed Nogah to be a good, happy boy right now._

\--

“Pass me another cigarette, boy.”

Josh, hands shaking and nails split, offered a cigarette to the pig like man at the foot of the bed. His rolling stomach stretched and sagged with each heaving breath as he dabbed away the beads of sweat that trickled along the folds of his skin. Josh, clad in his underwear, remained tangled in the off white sheets as he stared aimlessly at the ceiling of his prison cell. He slid a cigarette between his own lips as his father offered him a flame. He curled himself upwards, the end of the smoke catching the light that momentarily ignited his features.

“Clean yourself up,” he snapped, standing and stumbling out of the room without a second glance. “Your brother will be home soon.”

The bathroom mirror was a bitter enemy of Josh’s; always revealing the truth of his appearance. The mirror held no lies as Josh found himself snarling at his body in the reflection. He pinched at his toned stomach, fingers digging into the flesh of his biceps as the shower steamed the room. Angered eyes, too alive with a sense of betrayal,  slowly disappeared within a cloud of steam as the condensation thickened against the glass. Josh, no longer able to see himself, clambered into the shower and let the hot water broil his skin.

An hour later saw him perched at the window sill, cigarette in tow and book in hand. His room had since been restored to working order and the waves inside Josh’s stomach had relaxed somewhat. The words of his book escorted him elsewhere, allowing him to escape into hidden lands where turmoil alike did not exist.

A bump outside his door stole his attention and he inhaled a deep drag of his smoke.

“Josh!”

“Bro!” Josh grinned, spotting the blushing, dopey face of his younger brother. He collapsed onto the bed at Josh’s feet and stole a moment.

“I’m in love.”

“Oh, get over yourself,” Josh joked, nudging him with his foot. “You found the one?”

“She is _amazing._ We ordered the biggest milkshakes we could and then we laughed a whole lot and she’s into the same stuff that I like! Oh and she said my jeans looked cool, like I didn’t have to make an effort so I owe you, bro. Thanks, my future kids appreciate it.”

“Jeez, alright. Slow down, kiddo. I’m not ready to look after your terrifying offspring!” he laughed, swiping his snapback from his brother’s head.

“Wait.”

His brother caught his arm in a gentle clasp. Josh could’ve pulled away if he wanted to, could’ve swallowed the bitterness and stored the memory in his darkened corner but there was something about Jordan’s grimace and the way he eyed the bruises that littered Josh’s arms that stopped him. If there was one person Josh couldn’t hide from, it was his brother.

“He did it again.”

“Told you not to worry about that, J.”

“Okay, then let me worry about _you._ You’re always lookin’ out for other people and makin’ sure they’re alright but doesn’t anyone do that for you?”

“You’re too young to be thinkin’ this shit,” Josh sighed, pushing himself off of his bed and fiddling instead with his phone that was plugged into charge.

“And you’re too young to be dealing with it! You’re still a kid, too, Josh and it’s not fair.”

“Listen, buddy, we’ll be alright. I got you until I got enough money to get us the hell out of here. You’re my brother and we stick together, right? I _can_ deal with it, J, I promise. My job is to protect you and I’ll do _anything_ to have you safe. Your job is to be an annoying little brother who gets more girls that I do, alright?” he smiled, ruffling his brother’s hair.

“But you don’t even like girls!”

“See how I made your job easier? Man, I am the _sickest_ brother.”

Jordan watched Josh smoke a cigarette before their father was bellowing his name drunkenly from the living room. Jordan paled in anticipation as Josh ordered him the safety of his bedroom.

“I’ll come check on you before I sleep, alright?” Josh whispered, kissing his forehead quickly.

“Be okay,” Jordan whispered as he snuck across the hallway. Josh pushed his shoulders back and entered the living room. His father was sprawled out against the couch, drunkenly slurring at the television.

“You called?” Josh hummed, swaying on the balls of his feet. His father threw a ten dollar bill in his general direction with a wave of his hand.

“Go get me some snacks. Get yourself somethin’, too. You’ve lost weight.”

Josh nodded meekly, slipping on a hoodie and heading outside. He hated leaving Jordan in the house with his father but he knew Jordan was safe. His father only had enough energy to hate Josh. The bitterness outside nipped his face as he padded through the neighbourhood. Snacks. That was all he had to do; buy snacks and go back home.

Inside the store was brightly lit and Josh was conscious of the darkening bruise that encrusted his eye. He quickly scanned the shelves, throwing high calorie snacks into the basket for his father. He was so close to being finished, the ten dollar allowance almost drained when a weak tug pulled down on his sleeve.

“Joshie?”

“Nogah!” the boy gasped, excitedly swooping down and hugging the boy. His grin was as large as ever and Josh felt instantly lifted. Not far behind came the sound of running feet and a wheezing chest.

“Nogah, what have I told you about running away?”

“Are you using your son to track me down?” Josh smirked as Tyler’s flustered face appeared. Although a little worse for wear, Tyler looked handsome yet troubled and Josh found himself pining. Nogah, a perfected look of guilt and mischief written across his features, grabbed at his father’s hand.

“Can we play with Joshie, Daddy?”

Josh’s wandering eyes fell into Tyler’s basket that held nothing but eight bottles of beer and a packet of sweets. Josh nibbled the inside of his lip in worry.

_He wanted to help them._

“It’s too late now, buddy. Sorry Josh, today has been kind of crazy.”

“I can tell,” he muttered, gesturing to Tyler’s purchases.

“Yeah,” the other boy whispered, embarrassing blush flaring. “Each to their own.”

“I suppose. We’ll go to the park soon, buddy,” Josh commented, loosely ruffling Nogah’s hair before attempting to slide past Tyler.

“Woah, woah, slow down,” Tyler exclaimed, grabbing Josh and dragging him back. The younger boy avoided eye contact but Tyler lifted his chin softly.

“What the hell happened to your face?”

Josh snarled, pulling himself out of Tyler’s grip. He stared at the beer in Tyler’s basket with vengeful eyes.

“Alcoholism doesn’t just hurt the drinker,” Josh spat, spinning on his heel and storming to the counter. He quickly paid for his items and left Tyler and Nogah in his dust without a sparing look. Nogah slumped at Tyler’s feet.

“I wanted to play with Joshie! Why Joshie seem sad?”

Tyler watched the bottles roll around in the basket before looking at his beautiful son, who peered up at him with a level of trust and love Tyler didn’t deserve. He quickly placed the basket on an empty shelf, pulling Nogah to the exit before he could change his mind.

“I don’t know, love,” he swallowed, the cool breeze outside a refreshing difference to the suffocating warmth of the store. “But he’ll be alright. I’ll make sure of it.”

As Tyler drove back home, he ignored the pangs from his stomach and head. Tyler was going to be sober.

He hoped.

 


	9. Rebirth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read with care :)  
> xx
> 
> I took a while to update because I've been doing research into alcohol withdrawal symptoms. I want Tyler's withdrawal to feel as real as possible.

_I hate everything about you._

Josh stood stagnant in the centre of the living room; a darkened wasteland of his father’s debris, lit only by the flicker of the muted television. Its colourless flashing cast deep shadows over the discarded scrap of bottles and cigarettes left smouldering in their wake. His father was slumped unconscious over the edge of the tattered sofa, peppered with stains of urine and vomit. He placed the plastic bag at his father’s side, glaring down upon the repugnant excuse of a human his father had disintegrated into.  

“Choke,” Josh whispered, bending down to sneer into the face of his victimizer. His bloated face repulsed him; left unshakable images on the forefront of Josh’s brain. It served as a constant reminder of what was to come and what he had to lose.

“Please, just choke. You loved us once,” he sniffled, fingers curling into the rotten fabric of the couch. “But you’re not the same anymore. It’d be easier if you fucking choked.”

“Josh?” came a timid voice. Jordan stood quietly at the door frame, peering inside with innocent orbs filled with uncertainty. Josh swallowed the bitterness, willing his voice to steady as he stood.

“Sorry, buddy. You alright?” he inquired, ruffling his hair with a disheartened smile. The younger of the pair was aware of Josh’s burden; the hardship he encountered to keep him safe. He was eternally thankful for his older brother and was often left to wonder what scars would be encrypted into his own conscience had Josh not been so brave. Unsure of how to voice his appreciation, he flung his arms around Josh’s waist.

“Jordan?” Josh panicked, engulfing the small boy before him. He gripped tightly, stealing a glance at the snoring man across the room. He lay a gentle hand on Jordan’s shoulder and buried the nerves that burned within him. “He- did he do something? You can tell me, buddy.”

“No,” he sighed, nestling his face into the warmth of Josh’s sweatshirt. “I’m just really glad you’re here.”

“Love you, kiddo. Look at me,” he ordered. With Jordan’s pure expression staring at him, Josh was overwhelmed with a sense of protection. He grasped his cheeks carefully as though that action alone sealed their promise. “I will always look after you. The day he lays a hand on you is the day that man dies. Okay?”

“Okay.”

\--

Midnight often brought with it a sense of dread and loneliness that Tyler found hard to overcome. Nogah was bestowed into the depths of his dream; a feeling Tyler longed for. The porch light flickered mindlessly as the remains of his cigarette bristled down, ash twirling along the breeze along with his sense of grounding.

It’d been merely twelve lengthy, winding hours since the calming taste of bitter rum had graced his awaiting taste buds. He cradled himself though it did little to provide comfort.

“Get your shit together!” he hissed, slapping a palm against his sweat laced cheek. Chilling beads trickled the length of his hairline, soaking into the material of his jumper. A pulsing awareness shook him as anxiety spiked through his mind. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t make it through the night without _one_ bottle, _one_ drink, _one sip._

_Alcoholism doesn’t just hurt the drinker._

“Fuck,” he grumbled, replaying Josh’s broken words in his head. They echoed and bounced from wall to wall, breaking his already fractured heart. The constant flickering of the porch light hurt Tyler’s eyes as he screwed them to a close. Nogah’s devastation expression was etched onto the backs of his tired eyelids.

“Do it for him,” he muttered, swallowing the dry lump in his throat before Josh’s bruised and battered face appeared beside Nogah’s. Despite not knowing Josh for long, Tyler felt a pang in his chest at the sight of the poor boy. He was unwaveringly upbeat upfront with a show stopping smile and a personality to match but there were aspects of his mannerisms that cried out for help. Seeing Josh’s features injured at the hands of another brought rage to Tyler; he just had to figure out _why._

“Do it for them.”

The light darkened the porch before illuminating it once more.

“Fuck off!” he screamed, lunging forward and smashing the bulb with his fists. Droplets of crimson splashed against the decking as he hissed in pain, the stinging a momentary release from the anxiety that crawled over his skin. He shuffled inside, flexing his sliced hand and revelling in the pain briefly. The shattered bulb crackled and popped beneath his feet, giving him a sickly exuberance.

He stood at the sink in the kitchen, glaring vacantly at his reflection in the window above. His features were worn and Tyler wasn’t sure if he could do this. The freezing water that bled from the tap seared his wounds in a way he enjoyed. He diverted his gaze away from himself and instead focused on the pounding that sat at the base of his skull, threatening to develop into a migraine.

_You’re useless._

“No,” Tyler gasped, tightening his hand into a fist to feel the sting once more. Jenna’s voice reverberated around his skull, slithering along the walls of the kitchen and filling the room with a suffocating, ominous presence.

_I’m leaving you, Tyler._

“Don’t,” he whimpered, quickly shutting off the tap and wrapping his hand in kitchen towel. The voice grew darker as he fumbled toward his bedroom, the pain in his skull deepening as he went.

_I wish I’d never met you._

“Not again!”

Nogah lay awake as his father stumbled into the room opposite, slamming the door and crumbling against it. His father’s weak cries bounced through the walls and brought sadness to him. He could hear the heartbreak in his father’s uneven breathing and clutched his stuffed bear closer to his chest.

“Daddy must not have his special juice,” he whispered to the bear, kissing it’s furry head gently. “We’re gonna haft to be extwa good for now, Fwuffy. Until Daddy smiles again.”

A heavy bang from the opposite wall told Nogah his father had pulled the photo albums down front the highest shelf in the closet. They were reserved for when Daddy was at his saddest. He buried his face into his pillow, hiding the bear’s face in his chest to protect its fragile ears from the swearing and crying next door.

“I wish Joshie was here. He’d fix Daddy and Daddy could fix him. Old people are stupid.”


	10. Confusion

Tyler wasn’t sure when the misery of the evening had melted into the warmth of the morning sun. The golden rays of the outside world burned through the curtains as the photographs surrounding him peppered the carpet. He appeared wrecked; eyes frantic and hair unkempt. In the distant echo of his awareness, Nogah’s tiny fist was banging relentlessly on the bedroom door. Staggering from his stupor, Tyler stumbled toward the noise and slid open the lock. Staring up with sparkling innocence was the only reason Tyler could find to keep heaving his strained breaths.

“Daddy?”

Tyler simply watched his son for a moment, unable to bring himself to utter a response. The little boy frowned, clutching his beloved teddy close to his chest. Anxiety pooled in the pit of Tyler’s chest as the realisation that Nogah was too small; too vulnerable to look after himself dawned upon him.

“Daddy, I hafta go to school,” Nogah whispered, shuffling backward in an attempt to pry his cracking father from the depth of his room. Tyler nodded silently, following the young boy to the kitchen. His hands, shaking through their clamminess, grabbed mindlessly at bowls and spoons, laying them in front of his whimpering child. The comfort of the teddy bear’s face did little to hide his father’s confusion as he paced the length of the kitchen in search of food. Nogah swallowed and eyed the boxes of cereal sat atop the refrigerator.

“Up there, Daddy,” he muttered, pointing toward the boxes. Tyler croaked as he reached for the sugary treat, dumping a large helping into the dirty bowl on the table. He drowned the cereal with milk and slid it toward his son with a fork at its side. As he turned to face the task of coffee making, Nogah decided it was best not to bother him troubled father. He picked at the slightly stale cereal with his portly fingers, offering nibbles to the bear in his lap.

“Get dwessed now,” the boy sighed, clambering from the stool and disappearing to the safety of his room as Tyler glared out the window; watching as the world continued to exist without him, as though he were frozen in time. The searing warmth of the cup in his hand did well to steady him, alleviating the bitter fogginess in his mind. Though the constant pain shooting across his forehead persisted, Tyler managed to collect himself long enough to turn Nogah’s shirt the right way and messily tie his son’s laces.

“Ready?” Tyler inquired, running a caring hand through his son’s hair. The boy nodded, intertwining their fingers but stopping at the front door. He peered at the shattered glass that scattered the porch from the night previous and Tyler internally groaned.

“Wha happened?” Nogah gasped, shooting a glance over his shoulder as Tyler guided him toward the car.

“Daddy was stupid,” he remarked, a certain resignation woven into his tone that sent Nogah into silence. He stared out the window, lip twitching with sorrow as they drove by parents happily walking their children to school. Kids skipped along the pavements and giggled as they played. Nogah wondered if their Mommy and Daddys ever had blue days like his Daddy. Nogah didn’t like it when Daddy had blue days but he loved him regardless.

“Shit!” Tyler cried as the car swerved across the road slightly.

“Daddy!” Nogah whimpered, gripping onto the seat tightly. He sucked in a breath as Tyler steadied the car.

“Are you okay, love?” the elder gasped, palm pressed tight to his son’s chest in aid to protect him. The pain across his forehead was persistently growing worse, the road before him focusing and fading into blurred scribbles. A pang of pain punched his gut as Nogah peeled the hand away from his chest; crossing his tiny, angered arms instead.

“Fine,” the boy huffed. Tyler couldn’t bring himself to feel anything but understanding; he was being an awful father but it was as though a mental block had been filtered through his mind. He couldn’t express his lighter emotions through the discomfort that plagued him.

“We’re here,” he noted, pulling into their usual parking space. He sighed as Nogah quickly undid his seatbelt and struggled to get out of the car. Despite his attitude, Nogah waited until his father ‘s fingers were safely locked in his own until he crossed the street to the school gate.

There, in all her glory, was Megan.

“Megan!” he cried, pulling away from his father and into the arms of the girl who made him blush.

“Nogah!” she giggled, wrapping him in a bone crushing hug. Tyler watched them vacantly, wanting to enjoy the moment but finding nothing other than bitterness in his chest. The feeling made him feel nauseous.

Nogah quickly hugged Tyler’s legs before the children began filing through the gate and into the classroom. As Tyler swayed slightly, feeling the colour drain from his cheeks, a warm palm clamped his shoulder and spun his round. There, amongst the haze and racing pulse, was Josh’s sympathetic smile. His eyes, staring deep into Tyler’s withering subconscious, filled the voids of Tyler’s mind in an instant.

“Josh,” he croaked, his hand curling tightly into the boy’s jacket.

“You’ve stopped drinking,” he stated, using his other hand to steady the crumbling man before him. He recognised the signs immediately, having seen them in his own father during the day of willingness and scattered sobriety before he’d lost the man he had been; forever.

“For- for Nogah,” Tyler mumbled, attempting to curl his lips into a smile, resulting in a sickening grimace. “You. You too. Wanted you- you to be _proud_ of us-us. Nogah- he really likes you.”

“Did you drive here?” Josh prodded, voice thick with concern as Tyler’s eyes rolled and flickered, his cheeks a sickly mixture of pale green and blaring crimson. He struggled to keep Tyler standing as the man nodded and began to sweat profusely; Josh feared the worst. It was clear Tyler had dived into sobriety head first, determined to go cold turkey and battle his demons alone but the younger boy hadn’t missed the sadness in Nogah’s eyes as he’d practically dragged his father across the street. The other parents had snarled the pair and hissed amongst their groups about Tyler’s wellbeing.

The gossip at the school gate kept most of the mothers sane.

“Woah!” Josh cried, falling backward slightly as Tyler’s knees caved, sending the man to the ground in a moaning heap. The other parents had disappeared to return to their mundane lives, leaving the pair alone as Josh panicked.

“Tyler? Hey, Ty! Get _up!”_ he huffed, tugging on the man’s hand. The pain splitting Tyler’s brain into a thousand broken pieces proved too much as Josh couldn’t stir him from his confusion. He pouted, glancing back at the school and hoping no one could see them, specifically Megan and Nogah.

“Right,” he gulped, using his strength to hurl the somewhat conscious man from the ground, throwing him over his shoulder and heading toward his house. “You’re coming with me.”


End file.
